Thug Life: Golf Edition (Video)

Thug Life: Golf Edition (Video)

Golf legend Jack Nicklaus shows Johnny Miller how to sink a 102-foot putt. Perfect footage for another viral video from the Unexpected Thug Life meme series.

via

VW Golf burnout

VW Golf burnout

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Yanukovych To Ukrainians From Russian Exile: Stop This, I’m Still The President

A “Dean Scream” for the post-Soviet age, Viktor Yanukovych’s press conference will surely place a tombstone over his political career.

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Ukrainians on Instagram react to Viktor Yanukovych’s farcical press conference. Novaya Gazeta

KIEV, Ukraine — Ukraine’s ousted P president Viktor Yanukovych made his first appearance Friday since fleeing Kiev a week ago, imploring Ukrainians that he was still the country’s president despite his forced exile in the southern Russian city of Rostov-na-Donu.

Visibly shaken but unable to contain his trademark grin, Yanukovych gave a rambling and bizarre press conference that made it seem as he was still living in a parallel world, where violent clashes between protesters and riot police had not left dozens dead and caused his own allies in government and the security services to abandon him. Speaking in Russian for over an hour, Yanukovych insisted that he was still the president and said Ukraine’s new government was illegitimate.

“Nobody overthrew me,” Yanukovych said, claiming he was forced to flee Kiev under threat from Western-backed, far-right extremists who threatened him and his family. “I intend to fight for the future of Ukraine against those who are attempting to saddle it with fear and terror,” he said.

Asked why he was in Rostov, where he arrived early this morning accompanied by a squadron of fighter jets, Yanukovych said he had come because an “old friend” lived nearby, though he declined to say who it was. Though Russian President Vladimir Putin maintains several residences in southern Russia, he is evidently not one of them. Yanukovych said he had spoken to Putin — who is known to despise him and once kept him waiting for four hours — by telephone when he arrived in Russia and assumed the two would meet when Putin “had the possibility of doing so.”

Visibly affronted by Putin’s week-long silence on his overthrow, Yanukovych at times sounded like a spurned boyfriend in denial after a bad breakup. “As soon as we meet, I’ll understand what he thinks and we’ll probably have a discussion about what happened,” Yanukovych said. He added that he did not think Russia could remain indifferent to the fate of Ukraine and implored the Kremlin to say something.

“Knowing Vladimir Putin’s character, I’m surprised that he is keeping quiet so restrainedly,” he said.

Ukraine’s new government sounded a red alert Friday over what its Interior Ministry claims is a Russian “invasion” of the separatist-minded, Russian-speaking autonomous southern province of Crimea. Russia’s Foreign Ministry issued a statement saying that it thought the crisis, which has seen armed men seize two airports and Russian troops spotted around the Crimean peninsula, was an internal Ukrainian matter in which it would not intervene.

Yanukovych insisted that Ukraine’s parliament was illegitimate and referred to Ukraine’s new government as “the opposition.” He spent long periods giving meandering speeches about a short-lived, EU-mediated agreement that lasted mere hours after it was signed a week ago and justifying his refusal to sign a deal with the EU last November, which sparked the protests on Kiev’s Independence Square that eventually led to his ouster.

Asked how he made it to Rostov, Yanukovych told a chase story bordering on the slapstick. When Interior Ministry forces guarding him abandoned their posts, Yanukovych fled from Kiev to the pro-Russian eastern city of Kharkov, during which his convoy fell under machine-gun fire.

Upon arriving there, Yanukovych said, his security service learned the town was already full of “radically motivated groups” out for his head. Yanukovych then sent his followers to his hometown of Donetsk while setting off in a helicopter for the city of Lugansk on the Russian border. Once in flight, however, air traffic control said fighter jets would prevent any attempts to cross the Russian border to safety, and Yanukovych landed in Donetsk.

“There was no fear here. There has never been any fear,” Yanukovych said. “These were security measures that had to be accounted for and followed.”

From there, he said he zigzagged across the country by car until arriving in Crimea, where he learned of threats against his family and eventually made it to Russia — presumably by boat — thanks to “patriotically motivated officers who fulfilled their duty and helped me keep my life.”

His attempt to elicit sympathy by evoking the plight of his eldest son underscored how cut off Yanukovych is from events on the ground. A dentist by training, Alexander Yanukovych’s vast wealth, acquired at lightning speed thanks to government contracts, made him one of the most hated men in Ukraine. Anger at the corruption of Yanukovych’s extended “family” was one of the key motivating factors behind the occupation of Kiev’s Independence Square, the Maidan.

Yanukovych declined to say what Putin had told him, but appeared to have taken a page from the Kremlin’s rhetorical playbook since arriving in Russia. Protesters against him were “nationalists” representing “the absolute minority in Ukraine.” Presidential elections set for May 25 were “illegal”: He would not participate. Riot police were “unarmed” and stood fast while protesters rained down a storm of rubber bullets and Molotov cocktails on them.

Despite claiming that he would return to Ukraine as soon as his security could be guaranteed, Yanukovych’s attempt to prove that he was still the country’s leader were farcical. At times he seemed to improve on Richard Nixon’s maxim on presidential power: If the president says he’s still the president, he’s still the president.

“The laws that were passed violently in parliament — I don’t recognize them and I never will,” Yanukovych said. “I didn’t pass them, and that means these laws weren’t taken. That’s the legal act that proves these laws weren’t passed.”

Citing Ukraine’s constitution, Yanukovych continued to claim that “If the president hasn’t resigned, if he’s alive — and as you can see, I’m alive — if that president hasn’t been impeached in parliament, he is the acting president.”

Parliament passed a bill impeaching Yanukovych shortly after he signed the EU-mediated truce Feb. 21 and quickly set about dismantling all tenets of his power. After dozens of members of Yanukovych’s Party of Regions defected or fled, opposition lawmaker Olexander Turchynov was elected speaker and appointed acting president.

Ukraine’s new government, led by Turchynov and acting Prime Minister Arseny Yatsenyuk, has issued an international arrest warrant for Yanukovych over his involvement in last week’s violence and asked Russia to extradite him.

Yanukovych denied he gave police the order to open fire on protesters with sniper rifles and claimed they had only acted in self-defense. He admitted that he had met with representatives from the Maidan, seemingly confirming a report by anti-Yanukovych journalist Mustafa Nayyem that he had been visited by militant right-wing leader Dmytro Yarosh, now deputy chief of Ukraine’s security council.

In his closing remarks, Yanukovych appealed to Ukraine’s “so-called new government” to “come to your senses and stop this lawlessness.” They were responsible for the violence; events in Ukraine now were a “spectacle”; the truth would eventually prevail.

Yanukovych’s futile attempt to snap his pen in anger was a metaphor for the entire press conference.

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By that point, the press conference had descended into utter farce. Yanukovych told an incoherent story about how he had gone to a train station to personally stop any violence in the 2004 Orange Revolution, which kept him away from Ukraine’s presidency until 2010. He denied having any foreign assets, even though Switzerland and Austria seized his bank accounts and investigated his firms Friday.

Lastly, Yanukovych offered a scarcely plausible defense of the fabulous, absurdly vulgar trappings of wealth protesters found at his palatial estate outside Kiev. Former president Leonid Kuchma had offered him a house there in 1999: After that he set about renovating it with $3.2 million of his own money. The rest, he said, belonged to the government — presumably including the restaurant in the shape of a pirate ship, the zoo, the golf course, and the yacht club.

Everything that had supposedly been found there was a trick to discredit him. It’s a long list. The cognac and vodka bottles with his face on them. The ostriches and the ponies. The Mac desktop with Windows installed on it. The classic cars. The golden loaf of bread.

Yanukovych’s supporters — if he still has any left — will have been looking for what Americans call a “presidential” performance. Instead, they got a performance appropriate for a man with two criminal convictions for gang-related crimes and nowhere left to run. It was a “Dean Scream” for the post-Soviet age. Fleeing Kiev put the tombstone over Yanukovych’s political career. This added the final literary flourish. Finitta la commedia.

Even pro-Kremlin bloggers couldn’t help laughing. This caption reads “Shorter Yanukovych press conference.”

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/maxseddon/yanukovych-to-ukrainians-from-russian-exile-stop-this-im-sti

Watch Joe Biden’s Charming ‘Parks & Recreation’ Cameo

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U.S. Vice President Joe Biden made an appearance on popular NBC show Parks & Recreation on Thursday night, and his cameo was all that we dreamed it would be and more.

It was revealed last week by the New York Times that the Veep filmed a quick stint with the cast in July, but it was kept under wraps during the election season because a provision would have required a similar cameo from Republican VP nominee Paul Ryan.

At just under a minute, Biden’s scene is near perfect. Leslie Knope (played by Amy Poehler) is treated to a surprise meeting with her longtime crush, which is a running joke on the show. Biden warmly greets the overwhelmed, giddy Knope, and thanks her for serving her Indiana community with such dedication. She touches his hands, holds his face and swoons, “You’re very handsome.” We’re also given a few flashes of his signature pearly whites. That smile!

What did you think of the cameo? Let us know in the comments below.

17 Delightfully Campy And Over-The-Top Fireworks

Helpful hint: read all these fireworks’ names in the style of that guy who does the voiceovers on The X Factor.

Because they all sound like bands Louis Walsh would champion at the judge’s house stage of the competition.

1. THE PULVERIZER

“Red and green pearls to fanned red and green peonies, glittering comet tails to fanned red and silver whistling and crackling comet tails, blue and silver palms with time rain, fanned palms, multi-coloured peonies and a crackling, whistling multi shellburst finale.”

 

Which could be improved only with the addition of one Judith Sheindlin.

3. MONKEY BUSINESS

 

Ok, not a particularly over-the-top name but the monkey here is on an unfortunate acid trip.

4. And in other drug-addled animals, here’s PIRAHNA ATTACK

 

5. And MAD AS A BOX OF FROGS

If you need to ask “how mad is a box of frogs?” then you won’t even be able to comprehend it.

 

6. For an angry take on the rainbow aesthetic, there’s the ULTIMATE BATTLE OF COLOURS.

 

I think the Incredible Hulk (who is purple now, naturally) is in a fight with that guy made of bricks from the Fantastic Four.

7. SWORDS OF FIRE, which seem to resemble ornate camping forks.

 

8. PARADISE PALMS, which is undoubtedly also the name of a resort in Magaluf.

“Wave after wave of multi-coloured palms followed by peonies in silver, red, purple and orange and a superb multishot peony finale with crackle, glitter, loud reports [and a half-price round of mini golf if you order a full English breakfast at Admiral Jack’s on the seafront].”

 

9. And MAGICAL PALMS, which is not.

 
 

In fact, variations on a warlord theme represent a popular fireworks trope.

13. And in yet more angry animals, ATTACK OF THE 60 FT OCTOPUS

 

14. ATTACK OF THE 80 FT SNAKE!

 

15. NUCLEAR DEMOLITION

Because that’s just the sort of Bonfire Night firefight you want to set off, right?

 

16. Or in other signs of the apocalypse, a RADIATION OUTBREAK

 

Further doomsday fireworks include ALIEN INVASION, TOTAL TURMOIL and TERROR IN THE SKY.

17. And then there’s one sparkly firework which doesn’t exaggerate at all: it’s just FINE & DANDY

 

p.s. This is the best campy firework option, however:

Because there must a good reason why most big bang fireworks are called “cakes.”

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/alexrees/best-delightful-campy-melodramatic-fireworks

Chris Matthews: Paul Ryan’s pro-life views ‘almost like Sharia’

Chris Matthews just said Romney/Ryan is trying to implement their own kind of Sharia law. #smh

— Right In Academia (@RightInAcademia) October 17, 2012

Yep. He went there. Don’t believe Matthews could possibly be that big a jackass? Check out the video and see for yourself.

A couple of tingling liberals applauded Matthews’ screwy hyperbole:

I love that Chris Matthews is referring to anti-choice “personhood” bills as Christian Sharia Law. #debate

— Zack Ford (@ZackFord) October 17, 2012

Chris Matthews just played the Sharia card, appropriate way to define Republicans’Taliban views on women’s reproductive rights.#Debate2012

— michelle celarier (@hedgeygrl) October 17, 2012

Appropriate? On what planet?

Chris Matthews makes a good point. Rs are so freaked about sharia; their attempt to run country on religious principle is no different.

— Jen Hintz (@jen_hintz) October 17, 2012

Uh, no. Comparing Republicans’ desire to assign personhood to and protect the unborn to a murderous theocratic law is not only ridiculous, it’s downright vile. The only point Matthews has ever had is the one that’s on top of his head.

Twitterers with a firm grasp on reality were thoroughly disgusted:

FOOL > Chris Matthews : ‘Personhood’ Amendments ‘Almost Like Sharia’ shar.es/c1O4Y No Obama – Vote for Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan

— WiseUPLibs (@WiseUpLibs) October 17, 2012

Matthews pulled the #sharia card…he’s desperate. #MSNBC

— Brent (@brento76) October 17, 2012

So much stupid… “@buzzfeedandrew: Chris Matthews says Paul Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.””

— Kathleen McKinley (@KatMcKinley) October 17, 2012

Is Matthews off his meds again??? RT @buzzfeedandrew Chris Matthews says Paul Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.”

— SydVid (@SydVid) October 17, 2012

There’s no medicine for stupid.

Let this be a lesson kids: Gin isn’t a breakfast food RT: @buzzfeedandrew: Matthews says Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.”

— DrewM (@DrewMTips) October 17, 2012

Heh.

Y’know what’s almost like Sharia? Sharia. RT @buzzfeedandrew: Chris Matthews says Paul Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.”

— Film Ladd (@FilmLadd) October 17, 2012

Creeping tingle up his leg. RT @buzzfeedandrew: Chris Matthews says Paul Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.”

— Jake Beckman (@jakebeckman) October 17, 2012

Bc he’s a dolt. RT @buzzfeedandrew: Chris Matthews says Paul Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.”

— Eddie Rawls (@rawls) October 17, 2012

Jesuits educated this man. RT @buzzfeedandrew: Chris Matthews says Paul Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.”

— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) October 17, 2012

You’d never know it by his religious bigotry.

Please tell me this is a sick joke RT @buzzfeedandrew: Chris Matthews says Paul Ryan’s abortion position “it’s almost like sharia.”

— AlexaShrugged (@AlexaShrugged) October 17, 2012

If only. But this sort of insane verbal vomit is exactly what we’ve come to expect from the raving hack. Matthews himself is the sickest joke of all.

Read more: http://twitchy.com/2012/10/16/chris-matthews-paul-ryans-pro-life-views-almost-like-sharia/

Golfer With A Nagging Conscience Shows What Sportsmanship Is All About

Blayne Barber: Class act. Ian MacNicol / Getty Images

Blayne Barber is an amateur golfer who has spent years working towards getting onto the PGA Tour. Last week he competed in the first round of a series of events called “Q School” that allow golfers to work towards getting their tour card, with which they can compete on the highest stage and for the most money. Barber played well at the first tournament, and easily passed into the next round. But even days after the event, something didn’t sit right with him.

In the tourney’s second round, on the 13th hole, Barber felt that he had brushed a leaf in the bunker. His caddy assured him that he hadn’t, but Barber couldn’t in good conscience just move on. He assessed himself a one-stroke penalty and continued playing. (Golf is a sport where you score and penalize yourself. The honor code is the order of the day.) Unfortunately, the penalty for such an infraction is two strokes, but as his caddy continued to assure him that the leaf had never moved in the first place (and that therefore even the one-stroke penalty was unnecessary). Barber continued and eventually finished the rest of the tournament.

Ian MacNicol / Getty Images

But over the days that followed that tourney, Barber couldn’t shake the guilt that weighed on his conscience. He gave Golfweek a look inside his thinking: “I continued to pray about it and think about it, and I just did not have any peace about it. I knew I needed to do the right thing. I knew it was going to be disqualification.”

So Barber did just that. He called the PGA and disqualified himself for signing an inaccurate scorecard. The worst part? Barber finished five strokes below the cut line. Even if he had assessed himself the two-stroke penalty, he would have comfortably moved on. But Barber doesn’t seem to have any regrets.

“I just feel peace about it,” Barber told Golfweek. “Doing the right thing and doing what I know is right in my heart and in my conscience is more important than short-term success.”

Moral of the story:

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/jpmoore/golfer-shows-what-sportsmanship-is-all-about

Missionary? I’m not religious

Missionary? I'm not religious

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George W. Bush Took The Ice Bucket Challenge

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And he’s challenging Bill Clinton. BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { if (BF_STATIC.bf_test_mode) localStorage.setItem(‘posted_date’, 1408552757); }); BF_STATIC.timequeue.push(function () { document.getElementById(“update_posted_time_3423245″).innerHTML = “posted on ” + UI.dateFormat.get_formatted_date(1408552757); }); Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=DepakUSDtQE.

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Former President George W. Bush became the latest person to take the ice bucket challenge and he’s challenging former President Bill Clinton to take it himself.

With the ice bucket challenge, it’s process where a person posts a video of themselves dumping a bucket of ice cold water over their heads. At the end of the video the person calls on specific people to either take the challenge or donate to charity.

In the last several weeks the charity stunt has really taken off, raising millions for ALS.

A medical definition of ALS from the ALS association is below:

Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), often referred to as “Lou Gehrig’s Disease,” is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. Motor neurons reach from the brain to the spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body. The progressive degeneration of the motor neurons in ALS eventually leads to their death. When the motor neurons die, the ability of the brain to initiate and control muscle movement is lost. With voluntary muscle action progressively affected, patients in the later stages of the disease may become totally paralyzed.

So far, the ice bucket challenge has raised more than $30 million for the ALS Association.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/george-w-bush-took-the-ice-bucket-challenge

The Empire State Building Announces Obama’s Win

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/scott/the-empire-state-building-announces-obamas-win

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