The 29 Most Austin Things That Ever Happened

29. A Car2Go saying hello to this man riding a longhorn.

Level of Austin-ness: Eating breakfast tacos for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner.

28. This sign.

Level of Austin-ness: Going to Barton Springs for the afternoon and never getting in the water.

27. Riding the jackalope at The Jackalope.

Level of Austin-ness: Smoking pot with Willie Nelson.

26. Learning to hook ‘em at UT orientation, 1978.

Level of Austin-ness: Owning your own longhorn.

25. G-string yoga.

Level of Austin-ness: Winning Chicken Shit Bingo at Ginny’s Little Longhorn the first time you play.

24. This welcoming sign.

Level of Austin-ness: Going to The Grackle, Liberty, and Hole In The Wall all in one night, so you can check off the holy trinity of East Side King locations.

23. This creative solicitor.

Level of Austin-ness: Spending a couple nights sleeping on the drag just because your parents are bumming you out.

22. Neil deGrasse Tyson attending the University of Texas in 1980.

Level of Austin-ness: Getting to Franklin BBQ at 2 p.m. and finding out they still have brisket leftover.

21. This tag at Mount Bonnell.

This tag at Mount Bonnell.

View this image ›

Level of Austin-ness: Taking off work to “attend” SXSW without ever going to anything that isn’t a free party.

20. This date spot.

Level of Austin-ness: Going to BookPeople in the afternoon and then suddenly looking up from your magazine to realize it’s 11 p.m. and they’re closing.

19. Roky Erickson at Le Lollypop Club, 1965.

Level of Austin-ness: Appearing in Slacker.

18. This Snapchat.

Level of Austin-ness: Being vegetarian six days a week and driving to a different BBQ place every Sunday.

17. A werewolf playing violin and wearing a shirt that says “Party Girls Rock.”

Level of Austin-ness: Filling your entire fridge with Topo Chico.

16. Ginny’s rules.

Level of Austin-ness: Building your own kite for the Zilker Kite Festival and then getting so stoned that you forget what day it’s on and miss it entirely.

15. This stolen bike flyer.

Level of Austin-ness: Getting tears in your eyes when you drive past the corner of 6th and Red River where Emo’s used to be before it moved to Riverside.

14. The pregnant lady keychains at Toy Joy.

Level of Austin-ness: Suddenly realizing how much dog pee there probably is in “Barking Springs” and then getting in the water anyway.

13. When Ann Richards did a “No Talking” ad for The Alamo Drafthouse.

Level of Austin-ness: Actually knowing Betty Blackwell.

12. The Texas Track Club, 1964.

Level of Austin-ness: Going to a high school football game…of a high school you didn’t attend and don’t know anyone who does.

11. This van.

Level of Austin-ness: Calling Taco-Mex “Taco Window.”

10. The Hipster Trap.

Level of Austin-ness: Deciding, as an adult with no children, to get a season pass to Schlitterbahn.

9. Hank Hill + Horchata.

Level of Austin-ness: Being BFFs with Wiley Wiggins.

8. This Miata.

Level of Austin-ness: Spotting Robert Plant and Patty Griffin holding hands on South Congress.

7. An Austin police officer hanging out with Grumpy Cat during SXSW.

Level of Austin-ness: Thinking “Keep Austin Weird” isn’t weird enough.

6. Studying at the springs.

Level of Austin-ness: Making out in the red-carpeted upper loft of the women’s bathrooms at Donn’s Depot.

5. These T-shirts.


Level of Austin-ness: Making an elaborate diorama out of a brown paper bag for your Amy’s Ice Cream job application.

4. This stoned tortoise at Peter Pan mini golf.

Level of Austin-ness: Beating the Trudy’s two–Mexican Martini maximum by taking a cab to a different Trudy’s location.

3. Darryl’s statement of truth.

Level of Austin-ness: Drinking directly from the mini pitchers of beer at The Grand.

2. Ricky Williams teaching a yoga class.

Photo by Rodolfo Gonzalez / Austin American-Statesman / Via

Level of Austin-ness: Owning burnt orange formalwear.

1. And Leslie (RIP).

White Hot Phoenix / Via

Level of Austin-ness: Actually being a bat.

Read more:

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words: Happy warriors put Obama’s campaign in a nutshell

Zing! Happy warriors took to Twitter to sum up President Obama’s campaign as only they can, using only three words. And the results are hilarious.

Here are some of our favorites.

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Rather be golfing. #tcot

— Amy Lutz (@amylutz4) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words I party w/Jay-Z

— Joshua Zdroik (@JoshuaZdroik) October 8, 2012

Um…uhhh…Bush. #Obamacampaignin3Words

— Jim Jamitis (@anthropocon) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Bush did it

— Tanner (@Brumbarger) October 8, 2012

No, no! Lying liar who lies Stephanie Cutter said he never does that! Oh, dear. Excuse us while we gasp for breath.

Poor more years #ObamaCampaignin3Words

— Kristina Ribali (@KristinaRibali) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words veni, vidi, SPLAT

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Not Sponge Worthy

— Barbara McMahon (@southsalem) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Pants On Fire

— LoriGirl★μολών λαβέ (@conservtivemom) October 8, 2012

Failure. Apathy. Apology. #ObamaCampaignIn3Words

— Bill (@DefendWallSt) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Hooray For Hollywood!

— Laura Freed (@heyLauraFreed) October 8, 2012

Indeed. He even headed there to “reassure deeply shaken” Hollywood donors after his pitiful debate performance. Oh, the hilarity!

BOOM! RT @gopfirecracker: #ObamaCampaignin3Words Who's Brian Terry?

— Laura Freed (@heyLauraFreed) October 8, 2012

WTF? #ObamaCampaignIn3Words

— Amelia (@AmeliaHammy) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Look! A Squirrel.

— LittleMissRightie (@LilMissRightie) October 8, 2012

Of course, Twitter liberals had to try, and fail, to enter the mix. With some anti-Mormon bigotry and Israel bashing, natch.

Sans magic underwear #ObamaCampaignIn3Words

— Chris (@Jewvian) October 8, 2012

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Not Israels Puppet

— Sean (@GenX_Futurist) October 8, 2012

Intolerance on display by the Left, once again.

And, win!

#ObamaCampaignIn3Words Vote lady parts

— Gabriella Hoffman (@Gabby_Hoffman) October 8, 2012

Read more:

24 Atletas Que Esqueceram Como Ser Altletas

1. O goleiro que esqueceu que é necessário ter certeza que a bola não chegue na rede…

2. O lutador de MMA que esqueceu que você precisa socar o outro cara.

3. A nadadora que esqueceu que puns fazem bolhas.

4. O jogador que esqueceu que o seu capacete não é feito de cola.

24 Atletas Que Esqueceram Como Ser Altletas

View this image ›

5. O atleta que esqueceu que o tiro da inicio a corrida.

6. O arremessador que esqueceu que ele deixou uma casca de banana cair do lado do monte.

7. O skatista que esqueceu que o skate vai debaixo dos seus pés.

8. O jogador de ping pong que esqueceu que a raquete fica na sua mão e não na sua virilha.

9. A tenista que esqueceu que você precisa de mais do que um cabo para jogar.

10. Um mergulhador que esqueceu que mergulhar requer um mergulho.

11. O jogador de basquete que esqueceu que rostos não tem mãos.

12. O golfista que esqueceu que ele é um jogador de golfe e não um paisagista.

13. Esses jogadores de rugby esqueceram que comemorações não incluem cabeçadas.

14. O boxeador que esqueceu como fazer uma entrada.

15. Estes praticantes de bicicross que esqueceram que eles eram praticantes de bicicross.

16. A moça que esqueceu de saltar alto no salto em altura.

17. O carateca que esqueceu de quebrar os tijolos.

18. O jogador de boliche que esqueceu de soltar a bola.

19. O esquiador que esqueceu de pular.

20. O jogador de hóquei que esqueceu para qual time ele jogava.

21. O praticante de bodyboard que esqueceu que você precisa de água para deslizar.

22. O snowboarder que esqueceu que fazer snowboard na água é chamado de wakeboard.

23. A ginasta que esqueceu que não era o momento de tirar uma soneca.

24. E finalmente… O homem que esqueceu que ele não era um cavalo.

Read more:

President to meet with MoveOn, ‘progressive activists’ in closed meeting

With his first round of golf out of the way, President Obama is reported to be kicking off his second term early with a closed-door meeting with leaders of several labor unions as well as what CBS News’ Mark Knoller calls “progressive activists.” The topic? America’s impending leap off the fiscal cliff. Will he ask if they’re for or against it?

About to join @gretawire for talk about coming fiscal cliff meetings: Obama will meet SEIU, AFL-CIO, AFSCME first, then business…

— Byron York (@ByronYork) November 13, 2012

We’re with those who’d like Knoller, or any member of the media, to at least knock on the door.

@markknoller If you tell him you are in a union or are a progressive activist will he let you in? :)

— Txsleuth (@Txsleuth) November 13, 2012

@markknoller that pretty much says it all.

— Sister Toldjah (@sistertoldjah) November 13, 2012

Knoller reports that these are the people invited to tomorrow’s meeting.

Invited to tomorrow’s “fiscal cliff” meeting with Pres Obama: ·Mary Kay Henry, SEIU·Lee Saunders, (cont)

— Mark Knoller (@markknoller) November 13, 2012

  • Mary Kay Henry, SEIU
  • Lee Saunders, AFSCME
  • Dennis Van Roekel, NEA
  • Rich Trumka, AFL-CIO
  • Neera Tanden, Center for American Progress
  • John Podesta, Center for American Progress
  • Bob Greenstein, Center for Budget and Policy Priorities
  • Laura Burton Capps, Common Purpose Project
  • Max Richtman, National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare
  • Justin Ruben, MoveOn
  • Deepak Bhargava, Center for Community Change

Oh, my.

@markknoller We shouldn’t be nervous at all.

— Tari (@uncommentari) November 13, 2012

Read more:

Mayweather And Pacquiao’s Saga Is Truly The Dumbest Thing In Sports

Getty ImagesGetty Images

Getty Images

The fact that this can even be called a saga tells you everything you need to know about Manny Pacquiao, Floyd Mayweather Jr. and what their “feud” says about boxing.

For five years, Mayweather and Pacquiao just danced around the idea of fighting each other, despite all basic logic suggesting they actually enter the ring together.

And the mere fact that the two best fighters of the current era haven’t, uh, actually fought, contradicts the fundamental idea of competition.

Sports are supposed to be very simple. Teams compete against each other, achieve great records, move up the ladder and, eventually, go through other top competitors to gain status as “the best” for a certain period of time.

For individual sports, like tennis or golf, things can be a bit different. But, the basic idea remains the same. Eventually, the best always compete against the best, in some way, shape or fashion.

Every. Single. Year.

That’s the way it is with all sports, except boxing, and it’s mostly because of money.

Granted, money always has a hand in deciding how business gets done in sports. There’s no getting around that. It is rarely doubted whether that business will get done at all.

But, that’s exactly where we are with this Mayweather-Pacquiao thing. And that’s exactly where we’ve been for what seems like forever.

In early December 2009, after Mayweather had been out of retirement for months and Pacquiao had won yet another title, a fight between the top two sluggers seemed inevitable.

Since then, everything from disagreements over revenue splits, lawsuits, broadcasting rights and drug tests (the friggin’ drug tests) left us without the most obvious matchup of our time.

Now, five whole years later, the slim possibility of the fight happening is headlining. As this point, it’s hard not to look at this and think, “this is all so dumb,” because that’s exactly what it looks like.

And like most dumb things laden with even dumber politics, the saga started to get parodied. In this case, though, it’s the actual fighters who have begun to parody themselves

Floyd Mayweather is giving ridiculous ringside interviews and making demands for a fight while stumbling over his words, so much you might think even he can’t believe what he’s saying.

Manny Pacquiao, not be outdone, is making funny little commercials and “calling out” Floyd over Twitter with some holidays puns.

It has become comedic, and it’s the way the sport just happens to be set up that allowed matters to even get to this point.

Rightly or wrongly, boxing has no central governing body. As a result, which matches occur and how they occur, seems down to everyone’s individual interests.

Past that, if you’ve taken the time to listen to the opinion of ESPN’s Max Kellerman on the possible fight, you’d have every reason to believe these interests play a hand in determining who gets screwed out of wins and who doesn’t (as if Pacquiao’s loss to Tim Bradley two years ago didn’t give us enough reason to question how the sport is judged).

But, we won’t even have to go there because the (non?) negotiations between Floyd Mayweather and Manny Pacquiao provide enough material for any sports fan to get wound up about.

Here we have two competitors, clearly the best at what they do, and yet, there’s an actual chance we’ll never see a clear winner between them. That’s not what sports are about.

It doesn’t take a boxing expert to know a stupid thing when he or she sees it, and this Mayweather-Pacquiao dispute is definitely one.

Read more:

Incredible Golf Shot, Must Have Taken A Lot Of Practice To Get This Right!

Perfectly timed, and executed! Please share!

Read more:

Code Pink wants Ferguson attention in DC; THIS is only way to get Obama’s

That happened Saturday and Code Pink had to insert itself, natch.

Sorry Code Pink loons, but there is only one way to get Obama’s attention.

O-Bam! Better luck next time, Pinkies!


‘Yow!’ You’re about to see why this ‘blistering’ Daily News Obama cover may be the best ever [photo]

NYT: Aides say ‘golf game did not reflect the depth’ of Obama’s grief over James Foley

‘When you’ve lost Ezra’: Journos find Obama golfing after James Foley presser ‘in bad taste’

Fist bump? Just when you thought Obama’s golf after Foley presser couldn’t get more sickening … [photo]

Read more:

Community Post: 39 Reasons Why Delaware Is Better Than Your State

1. Delaware is AMAZING. It may be so small, you need a microscope to see it on a map…

2. But you need a microscope to look at a diamond too! That’s why it’s called the Diamond State!

(No historical evidence to that being the origin of the nickname.)

3. Anyway, here are 39 reasons why Delaware is better than your boring state:

4. 1. Delaware has mad HISTORY. Check out my man GW crossing it!

(The Delaware River eventually goes to Delaware.)

5. 2. Actually, Delaware was the first state in the union to ratify the Constitution in 1787. This is Ceasar Rodney, the fastest and the most unfortunate-looking of the founding fathers. He signed the Declaration of Independence in 1776! Dela-What!

6. 3. The Dutch settled there in 1631! That’s almost 400 years of history! That’s like a European amount of history!

Much older than this Sega Genesis, the oldest thing I could find on the internet.

7. You’re about to get hit with some DELAWARE FACTS!

8. 4. Delaware has TAX-FREE SHOPPING. That means 99-cent stores are FOR REAL.

9. 5. One of Delaware’s state colors is Buff!

10. That’s this color!

The other color is blue!

11. 6. Those colors come from the state bird: the Blue Hen, the most hardcore of chickens.

12. 7. Every single Delaware State Park has an 18-hole disc golf course inside it.

“I’m totally an athlete, brah.”

13. 8. Delaware’s banking laws are so lenient, they have been compared to the Cayman Islands. That’s why most major banks are headquartered in Delaware.

(This is what happened when I Google Image searched for “banks.”)

14. Speaking of Banks (who is not from Delaware), get ready for some celebrities who ARE from Delaware!

15. 9. Ryan Phillippe

16. 10. Aubrey Plaza

17. 11. Valerie Bertinelli

18. 12. George Thorogood and the Delaware Destoyers

19. 13. That Miss Teen Delaware who made the porno!

20. 14. Super Bowl MVP Joe Flacco played for the University of Delaware.

21. 15. Hall of Fame Quarterback Rich Gannon was also a Fightin’ Blue Hen!

(Voted into University of Delaware Athletics Hall of Fame in 2005)

22. 16. And Bob Marley worked at the old Chrysler plant in Newark, Delaware!

Here is Bob leaning on a car he may or may not have made.

23. 17. And finally, vice president and quality smiler, Joe Biden!

24. Let’s talk about…

25. 18. “Dead Poets Society” was shot in Delaware. Right at St. Andrew’s School in Middletown!

“Oh Delaware, my Delaware!”

26. 19. And “Fight Club” takes place in a fictitious version of Delaware.

27. Delaware has the least amount of counties, with three. Let’s go through them one at a time.

29. 20. New Castle County is home to the University of Delaware, one of the best universities for grass lounging!

30. 21. The Univeristy of Delaware was the first college in America to have a study abroad program. They went to France in 1923 by boat. In your face, World War I!

31. 22. UD is also home to the Fred Rust Ice Arena. This is the training ground for ice-skaters you’ve heard of!

33. And Johnny Weir!

The Freddy Mercury of skating.

34. 23. New Castle County is 45 minutes from Philadelphia AND Baltimore. That means easy access to cheesesteaks…

35. 24. or blue crabs!

36. 25. Every summer, Wilmington holds the Clifford Brown Jazz Festival, the largest free jazz festival on the East Coast.

37. 26. Did it start to rain? Don’t worry! New Castle County is also the home of GoreTex!

40. 28. Kent County is home of the state capitol, Dover. That means Dover Air Force Base. That means C-5’s, the largest military cargo plane in existence!


41. 29. And Dover Downs racetrack!


<div class="buzz_superlist_item buzz_superlist_item_image buzz_superlist_item_wide image_hit " id=

Read more:

Brutal! James Woods thinks Obama is ‘Mt. Rushmore level’ and we agree [pic]

He really is. Actor James Woods took to Twitter for some more truth-telling.


Fox News’ Brit Hume recently saw a similar bright side to Obama’s laser-like focus on teeing off.

Woods wasn’t quite finished yet, though.

Ouch! We agree too.

Fellow actor and truth teller Adam Baldwin brought it home with an idea for where Obama could fit on Rushmore:!/AdamBaldwin/status/503584221202759680



‘Crack team!’ Brit Hume finds bright side to Obama’s laser-like focus on golf with one brutal question

Twitchy coverage of actor James Woods

Read more:

10 Time-Sucking Types of Wordplay

People love to play around with language. Wordplay describes a broad category of linguistic manipulation of sounds, words, phrases, and text. It can be intentional or accidental; it can be used for humor, offense, and much more besides. There’s really no limit to what can be done when you’ve got entire languages at your disposal.

So read on to discover the following: why are misheard song lyrics called Mondegreens? What’s odd or unusual about this particular phrasing? Do geese see God? What is it called when you say “darn” instead of “damn”?


There is an old Scottish ballad called The Bonny Earl O’Moray, whose first stanza goes like this:

Ye Highlands and ye Lowlands,
Oh, where have ye been?
They have slain the Earl O’Moray,
And laid him on the green.

American writer Sylvia Wright heard this as a young girl, as read aloud to her by her mother, and misheard the last line as “And Lady Mondegreen.” Thus, a new term was born: Wright published an article in Harper’s Magazine in 1954, coining the word that eventually came to describe a misheard song lyric (or phrase in general). In a sense, they are a type of oral malapropism; instead of fudging what you said, you fudged what you heard.

Famous Mondegreens include:

“‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy” (“the sky”) – from Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix.
“The ants are my friends” (“The answer, my friend”) – from Blowin’ in the Wind by Bob Dylan.
“She’s got a tick in her eye” (“she’s got a ticket to ride”) – from Ticket to ride by The Beatles.
“There’s a bathroom on the right” (“bad moon on the rise”) – from Bad Moon Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

Linguistically, Mondegreens are usually a type of “oronym”—a pair of phrases that are homophonic.

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 At 7.58.35 Pm

Backronyms are acronyms created to suit a specific phrase; essentially, they are acronyms formed in reverse. Whereas an acronym takes the first letter from a phrase and makes a new word out of it (as in scuba, which stands for “self-contained underwater breathing apparatus”), a backronym either takes an existing word and makes an acronym out of it, OR creates a phrase to meaningfully connect to a particular word.

The “Amber Alert,” for example, is a broadcast system used by the US Justice Department when a child goes missing; it stands for “America’s Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response,” which came from the name Amber Hagerman, a little girl who was famously kidnapped in 1996. Other backronyms include MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) and “golf” as a backronym for “Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden” (not a real acronym because golf doesn’t actually stand for anything).

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 At 8.01.12 Pm

A palindrome is a word, string of words, sentence, or number that can be read backwards the same as it’s read forwards. The number 2002 is a palindrome; so are the words radar and racecar. The word derives from the Greek “palindromes,” meaning “running back again,” and was first used in the early Seventeenth Century.

The first known palindrome dates all the way back to 79 AD, in the form of a piece of graffiti in the former Roman town of Herculaneum (in modern-day Italy). The so-called “Sator Square” reads: “Sator Arepo Tenet Opera Rotas,” which means “the sower Arepo holds works wheels,” whatever that may mean. Ancient palindromes can also be found in the Quran, in ancient Sanskrit, and in Seventh Century Tamil poetry, of all places.

A great many palindrome enthusiasts challenge themselves to form lengthy, creative, and above all understandable (and grammatically correct) palindromes. Some examples:

No, it is open on one position.
Doc, note: I dissent. A fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
A man, a plan, a canal: Panama.
Anne, I vote more cars race Rome to Vienna.
Some men interpret nine memos.
Do geese see God?

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 At 8.05.27 Pm

An autogram is a sentence that describes itself, specifically its linguistic content. It is also known as a “self-referencing sentence.” It can be fairly simple—just a few words describing its letter or word content—or it can get more complex by being lengthy and more descriptive, and by indicating other linguistic features like punctuation. A few examples:

“This sentence has two a’s.”
“This sentence contains five words.”
“This sentence contains only three a’s, three c’s, two d’s, twenty-five e’s, nine f’s, four g’s, eight h’s, twelve i’s, three l’s, fifteen n’s, nine o’s, eight r’s, twenty-four s’s, eighteen t’s, five u’s, four v’s, six w’s, two x’s, and four y’s.”

And the impressive:

“Only the fool would take trouble to verify that his sentence was composed of ten a’s, three b’s, four c’s, four d’s, forty-six e’s, sixteen f’s, four g’s, thirteen h’s, fifteen i’s, two k’s, nine l’s, four m’s, twenty-five n’s, twenty-four o’s, five p’s, sixteen r’s, forty-one s’s, thirty-seven t’s, ten u’s, eight v’s, eight w’s, four x’s, eleven y’s, twenty-seven commas, twenty-three apostrophes, seven hyphens and, last but not least, a single !”

Genuine Fake Watches

Oxymorons are combinations of words that appear contradictory or incongruous in some way. The word dates back to the middle of the Seventeenth Century, and comes from the Greek “oxymoron,” meaning “pointedly foolish.” The oxymoron is closely related to the paradox and to antithesis.

Examples include:

Jumbo shrimp
Original copy
Awfully good
Small crowd
Hell’s Angels

A true oxymoron is considered to be a phrase whose result is surprisingly true, stemming from an apparent contradiction. A humorous phrase like “military intelligence,” often cited as one of George Carlin’s oxymoron’s, technically isn’t one, given that there is no true contradiction between the two terms beyond the speaker’s opinion. Same goes for the phrase “business ethics.” The definition of oxymoron may, however, be broadening to include that type.


Dysphemism describes the substitution of a more offensive or disparaging word in a situation where a less offensive one would have been appropriate. It’s basically the opposite of a euphemism, a term used to soften the impact of a potentially offensive or hurtful term (saying “pass away” instead of “die,” for instance, or “Kiss my you-know-what” instead of “ass”). With a dysphemism, the speaker makes an active choice to use the more offensive of two terms.

Dysphemism often takes the form of a simple insult (calling a police officer a “pig,” or a man an “asshole”). It can also involve the use of a person’s first name in a situation that would call for him to be addressed as “Mr. [Last Name].” Many instances of dysphemism actually come about when a neutral word is considered “bad” and is referred to using a euphemism; for instance, the word “toilet” may be considered uncouth, so people use euphemisms like “restroom.” When “toilet” is used instead, it becomes an instance of dysphemism.

Oddly, there is a type of dysphemism known as “euphemistic dysphemism,” which on the surface would appear to be a sort of linguistic oxymoron. When you use a “minced oath”—saying “shoot!” for “shit!” or “darn!” for “damn!”—that’s euphemistic dysphemism because the expression as a whole is considered “offensive,” but has been softened through the use of euphemism. The relationship between dysphemism and euphemism can get muddled depending on the context of an utterance, specifically the relationship between the speakers and the listener.


What do you grok about this paragraph? Is it odd? What’s missing? Look it up and down. I am almost undoubtful you’ll spot it, this oddity I am talking about. Did you catch sight of it?

The above paragraph, as you may have noted, is missing the letter “e”—making it a lipogram, which means “missing letter” in Greek. A lipogram is an example of “constrained writing,” a literary technique where certain conditions are imposed on the writer. Lipograms can be written with the omission of any letter (or group of letters), but the more common the letter, the harder, which is why “e” lipograms are the most common.

Perhaps the most remarkable achievement in the lipogram world is the 1939 novel Gadsby by Ernest Vincent Wright, a 50,000-word book without a single instance of the letter “e.” Wright wrote the book on a typewriter with the “e” key tied down. While a paperback version can be bought on the cheap, hardcovers are extremely rare and will set you back at least a thousand dollars.

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 At 8.40.20 Pm

Spoonerisms are among the best-known types of wordplay, due in no small part to the fact that we spout them unintentionally all the time. A spoonerism is when corresponding consonants, vowels, or syllables are swapped, either in a two-word phrase (most common) or in a longer sentence. They were named after the Reverend William Archibald Spooner, who was apparently prone to spoonerisms—though it’s worth noting that only a few substantiated examples exist, and that many of his attributed spoonerisms are likely apocryphal.

Spoonerisms can result in nonsense (”runny rabbit” for “bunny rabbit”), or a new phrase entirely (”crooks and nannies” for “nooks and crannies”). Some other amusing examples include:

– “A lack of pies” for “a pack of lies.”
– “I’m going to shake a tower” for “take a shower.”
– “Sale of two titties” for “Tale of two cities.”

Screen Shot 2013-04-01 At 8.35.01 Pm

A pangram is a sentence that uses every letter of the alphabet. The classic example is “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”—a phrase often used to show differences in fonts, and to test typewriters and computer keyboards.

The ultimate challenge, however, is to create a pangram in which each letter is used exactly once, and no more. You can imagine the difficulty in this, not least because of the paucity of vowels at one’s disposal. Unsurprisingly, most “perfect pangrams” make little sense, use obsolete words, and/or rely heavily on acronyms and abbreviations, as in the following cases:

Mr. Jex fly quick zap on WGBS HD TV.
Mr. Jock, TV quiz PhD, bags few lynx.
New job: fix Mr. Gluck’s hazy TV, PDQ!
Frowzy things plumb vex’d Jack Q.

Of course, any language with an alphabet can have pangrams. Here’s a perfect Danish one, meaning (loosely) “tall shy groom won dirty sex quiz on WC:” “Høj bly gom vandt fræk sexquiz på wc.”

There’s also a famous Latin pangram known as “lorem ipsum,” which you may well find familiar as a text placeholder used to demonstrate the range of fonts and characters. Here is one version: “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, diam nonnumy eiusmod temper incident ut labor et doll…” It’s nonsensical, though it represents fragments of a passage from Cicero written in 45 BC. Certain versions of lorem ipsum are much longer.


Most of us are familiar with Pig Latin, an invented “language” that involves moving the first consonant (or consonant cluster) of a word to the end and adding the sound “ay.” To write in Dog Latin, however, you must take a word in English (or another language) and add Latin endings. Scientists do this on occasion, as in the elements “Berkelium” and “Californium,” named after “Berkeley” and “California,” respectively. Bart Simpson used Dog Latin when he called Lisa a “dorkus malorkus.”

Of note is the “izzle” suffix popularized by Snoop Dogg (currently Snoop Lion), which—though it doesn’t appear to have a formal linguistic name as yet—is known as “Dogg Latin” in certain circles.

Read more:

Buy ad Space HereBuy ad Space Here

SEO Powered by Platinum SEO from Techblissonline